Let's talk shop(a). (See? I put an "a" after the "p" in shop, so its like "P.A." I'm so Clever.)

We've been cheated.

Last season, the fans, players, coaches, managers, cheerleaders, regiment, Dr. Johnny Newcom, and people that park on the hill behind the west scoreboard (as if we have an east and a west...) were robbed of a performance. Two teams that have nothing to do with Crittenden County (other than the fact that they occasionally play one another in football, basketball, baseball, volleyball, soccer, golf, chess, weight lifting, etc.) decided to stick it to us by staging a fight the week before one of those two teams had to travel to Marion to get crushed by our sound waves (and our players). Of course, Fulton County had to forfeit. No home game. (No homeCOMING game, at that.)

And this season, the Bowl game takes another home performance off the books. We only get to entertain you four times in the regular season. And hopefully a time or two in the play-offs....

And the worst part of it all? Crittenden County has to travel to Fulton County to beat them in football this year.

I say Fulton Co. owes us a home game. A homeCOMING game, at that. (Poor KCD. Never dreamed I'd see a homecoming in the first round of the play-offs. But that's not as bad as having your senior night AT South Hopkins...but that's another tale for another blog....)

So, Fulton County Athletic Director, I know you read this blog regularly, and yes, I'm calling you out by NAME. (Your name is Fulton County Athletic Director, right?) Be a man. (Or Woman. I really don't know.) Make the call. Tell your team that because of their actions, they don't get to have that home game this year. Bring 'em to Marion.

That way, everyone here would have another chance to hear our music, words of the night, and Dr. Johnny Newcom sightings. And our players wouldn't have to suffer that bus ride. (That's just a secondary concern. Music, words, Johnny. That's what matters.)

(And I trust that all those who stumble upon here know me, and know that most of what i type is nonsense and entirely tongue in cheek, which really doesn't make sense if you think about it...tongue in cheek?...oh well...and now I've had to go and do this, which really takes the humor out of it if you ask me. Everything before the first word in this paragraph should stand alone. It'd be funnier. Am I right?)

(But the non-tongue in cheek part of this post is having Fulton Co. come to Marion. I really think they should. Actions have consequences, and even though they've already suffered the consequences, I say they suffer some more. Who's with me?)

PA Legends

As a public address announcer, I'm constantly striving to perfect the craft and enter the ranks of the greats. That's not possible without the help of a great team, though. Matthew Hardin -- Spotter. Holds the record for most tackles spotted on one play. Yep, he nailed a quad last season. Peyton Porter -- Press Box Attendant. Without the steady stream of diet cokes and Schrutisms, we'd be nowhere. Corey Crider, Johnny Newcom (Doctor), and Blair Winders -- music consultants. Nothing screams "great music" like a 61-8 beating of the opponent after hearing the gems we picked out.

Hopefully one day, my picture will grace this page. In the meantime,

take a gander at this list of unknown people who I'm sure are great PA announcers, yet like offensive linemen...we do our work in the shadows without any need for recognition. (But really...it'd be nice to be recognized. At least once. But it'd be nice for that recognition to have to do about something other than song lyrics.)

Scientific Analysis of the 2010 Rocket Football Season

All good experiments start with a question, or a hypothesis. So...I hypothesize that the Rockets play better when they hear our pre-game music at home.

Data gathering: Rockets are 3-0 in games in which they do not hear our pre-game music. Rockets are 1-0 in games in which they DO hear our pre-game music. Results may seem to favor the "do not hear", but its a small sample size so I'm rendering it null.

The average point total for the Rockets in games in which they do not hear our pre-game music is 32.67. Also, on nights that they don't hear our pre-game music, they allow an average of 12.67 points.

In games in which they DO hear our pregame music, the Rockets score an average of 61 points. The defense allows an average of 8 points.

Conclusion: Our pre-game music selection enables the Rocket offense to nearly double its effectiveness, and the defense plays 34% better.

One of two things need to happen. The Rockets need to play all of their games at home, or they need to find a way to take our show on the road.

There. That's science.

Okay, I Just Now Remembered....

....I have a blog.

Actually, a student in one of my classes reminded me that I have a blog.

Question: What good is a "blog" if the author of said blog doesn't even know it exists?

(Answer: 3.7 km/h)

Oh, I'm a physics teacher now. And I have another child; a boy, whom we call Jack. (He's nimble and quick, and I wouldn't be at all surprised if, one day, he jumped over a candlestick.) (Though he might also fall down and break his crown. Luckily, Jill will come tumbling after. He hasn't met a "Jill" yet, but I've a feeling he will...)

I think I might make this into a "class" blog. Don't think for a second that I'm not enough of a geek to do it.

Sincerely,

The Voice of the Rockets (and co-song collaborator...I blame the other guy for any inappropriateness.)